What Are the Odds?

--That your husband will voluntarily seek out a therapist to help the two of you deal with your infertility impasse?

--That the therapist, a specilist in infertility issues, will call the night before his appointment to postpone it?

--Because she has a stomach bug, that she got because she's more susceptible to getting sick these days?

--Because, did she forget to mention, she's pregnant?

Not Today

I won't be writing that post I alluded to in the last post. My best friend's mother died last night. My friend is the youngest of seven, and her mother was in her 80s. She was moved into hospice last Friday night but no one expected her to die within a week.

Putting someone in hospice means that the doctors expect her to die within six months. It means that she gets ready access to pain medicine and perhaps a bit more attention. But people can live under hospice care for years.

Yesterday afternoon about 2pm, my friend called and asked if she could stay in our house over Thanksgiving, because she had decided to come to see her mom then. About 5pm she called to say that her mother had taken a turn for the worse, and she had gotten the first flight out, which is today. About 8pm, she called to say that her mother had died. Two of her seven siblings were there, but she wasn't.

My friend is still coming today. I'll pick her up and probably act as a shuttle for the other siblings arriving this afternoon. One or more may be staying with us. I'll probably make sure that food is available, and occassionally put some in front of my friend, who is one of those people who can't eat when she is stressed (lucky bitch! Kidding, kidding) and is already too skinny.

I do have some obvious familiarity with this territory, but it is not the same. My friend's relationship with her mother is much more complicated than my relationship with my mother. I won't go into details to respect her privacy, but there's some serious mental issues and other stuff that led her to grow up without a nurturing mother, far, far from nurturing.

Several years ago, I was visiting my friend when she lived in NYC. We hit a veritable trifecta (quadfecta? pentafecta?) of celebrity sightings in the space of 10 minutes: Gwyneth Paltrow, Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid (after the divorce), and Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe (before the divorce). The next morning I called my mom to tell her. My friend asked why. I said because I knew my mom would find it interesting.

It was at that moment that I realized how special my relationship with my mother was. I realized that my friend could never just call her mother up to say she'd run into famous people. Or to just say hi, or to swap recipes, or almost anything other than the perfunctory check-in call.

I know that other people have great relationships with their mothers, but it was at that moment, at that look of confusion on my friend's face that I had voluntarily and willingly wanted to talk to my mother, that I no longer took our relationship for granted.

So in that regard I don't know what my friend is feeling after the death of her mother. But I'll just be there and try to help.

Roadtrippin' with the Pup

For a while now Chubbs and I have been trying to figure out what we wanted to do for Christmas. I decided pretty early on that I wanted to go on vacation instead of going to see his family or mine. His family, we'll see at Thanksgiving; and my family, well, I've seen a lot of them over the past few years.

And it's just time for a change.

So after much debate, we have settled on a roadtrip to California, with the dog. Yes, whether we would spend Christmas with our dog was a factor in our decision. I know that some day I will need to leave her with a stranger, but I haven't done it yet, and leaving her with a stranger, or even a known person in a strange place, seemed like too much to do all at once and for two weeks. And besides, my best friend in CA wants our pup to meet hers. And Pear is a good traveler.

Okay, enough justifiying my dog obession.

We have two weeks and a tentative itinerary: We hurry out to CA in two days, spending the second night near Joshua Tree. We then have two days to get to Berkeley via the coast, Big Sur, etc. We spend four nights in Berkeley with my friend to celebrate Christmas. After Christmas, we head back via Death Valley, Vegas, Grand Canyon, Sedona, and Santa Fe.

So I know some of you love your dogs as much as I love mine and that you know some of the areas we will be visiting. I have looked online, made phonecalls, and read guidebooks, but I am now looking for advice. Particularly on places and dogs. I've heard that many places (like parks, etc.) that have an official no dog policy actually allow them.

I am most interested in the central coast area because we want to do some hiking, etc., and the CA state parks website is so confusing as to where dogs are allowed and where they aren't. Your dog can camp with you, but not go on any of the trails or the beach? What's up with that?

And soon I will discuss a topic that I've been too nervous to mention.