Good God
What the hell is going on? First, Thalia and T got positive betas, only to learn shortly thereafter that neither pregnancy was viable.
And then last night in the midst of a holiday party we were throwing, we got a call that no parent ever wants to make. My friend B's husband was calling because she couldn't. Their fifteen-month-old son was dead. Totally unexpected.
B took him to the doctor last Monday for what all thought was an ear infection. By Thursday when he wasn't any better she was getting ready to take him back to the doctor when he stopped breathing. The paramedics were eventually able to get his heart started again, but by then he had suffered a grave and irreparable brain injury.
Her baby died on Friday.
Good God.
B has given birth to four children, and only two are alive. I can not even begin to imagine her pain.
I just know it's so much worse than any pain I have ever felt over not having a child.
(I know the basics of supporting someone who's grieving but if anyone unfortunately has specific suggestions of how to cope with the loss of a child, I would appreciate the insight.)
And then last night in the midst of a holiday party we were throwing, we got a call that no parent ever wants to make. My friend B's husband was calling because she couldn't. Their fifteen-month-old son was dead. Totally unexpected.
B took him to the doctor last Monday for what all thought was an ear infection. By Thursday when he wasn't any better she was getting ready to take him back to the doctor when he stopped breathing. The paramedics were eventually able to get his heart started again, but by then he had suffered a grave and irreparable brain injury.
Her baby died on Friday.
Good God.
B has given birth to four children, and only two are alive. I can not even begin to imagine her pain.
I just know it's so much worse than any pain I have ever felt over not having a child.
(I know the basics of supporting someone who's grieving but if anyone unfortunately has specific suggestions of how to cope with the loss of a child, I would appreciate the insight.)
posted by zhl at 10:06 AM
10 Comments:
Wow. I can't imagine their anguish. There aren't words.
Oh my god. I cannot imagine. My thoughts are with your friend and her husband.
How absolutely awful, I'm so sorry to hear that. I think there is no right answer here. You do what you know how to do. You tell them you love them. You tell them you loved their child - share a memory or two. You take them dinner. You volunteer to take the other children out for a few hours to the playground or to a movie. You keep calling six months from now when everyone thinks they are over it.
My goodness, how gruesome. Unthinkable.
Oh, no, Zhl, how horrific. That just breaks my heart.
And I agree with Thalia. Especially the part about calling when everyone expects them to be over it (as if anyone could ever get over something like that).
Oh god. Goosebumps down my back. I think Thalia hit the nail on the head - let them know that you care now, and six months from now, and a year from now.
How absolutely awful. Tragic. Unreal. I guess you can't be paranoid enough?
Yep, just be there for them. I'm so incredibly sorry zhl.
You obviously care about them and you will find ways to show it, and continue to show it. Life is so damn unfair sometimes.
How awful, how very very awful.
Yes, what Thalia said. I haven't lost a child (thank god) but I watched my parents go through it when my brother died, and I went through my own hell in losing my only sibling. People tend to forget, they go on with their lives, they think because you are still breathing and functioning that you are some how "over it." You never get over it, you just learn to live with the gaping hole in your heart. I'm sorry for B's loss- how scary.
Post a Comment
<< Home